The First of Many Goodbyes

If I told you how many times I have sat down to write this, you wouldn't believe me.  It seems like I close my computer as quickly as I open it.  I know every mother feels this way and I know it's only Kindergarten but I just can't seem to get my emotions in check.  It's so strange because on one hand, I'm excited for Amelia to begin this new journey; she is more than ready...but on the other hand, I feel like I'm saying goodbye to a chapter of our lives.  The one where Amelia is with me every second of everyday... the one where we can stay in our pajamas all day long and play in forts...the one where we can go for ice cream at noon on a Tuesday. It's going to be an adjustment, that's for sure.  Not only for me, but Maddox too.  So back to my plan...to write a letter to Amelia in an effort to sum up what the last 5 years have meant to me.

My sweetest girl,
There are just 3 short days until you start Kindergarten!  I can't believe this day is finally here.  You are so excited and believe me, that makes this all a little easier on Mom.  We visited your school and had the chance to meet your teacher.  You fell in love instantly.  And you really are ready.  You are so smart and so social that I think making new friends will come so easily to you.  This is not the part that makes Mommy so sad.  It's the things that I'm going to miss doing with you everyday that cause me to cry at the drop of a hat.  I am definitely going to miss lazy rainy days, taking you to ballet and gymnastics, play doh parties, all day zoo making with your stuffed animals, and board games days.  But more than all of this, I'm simply going to miss spending every second with you.  I can't imagine not having to look for your banky at least 5 times a day.  I can't imagine rounding the corner from the laundry to the living room and not bumping right in to you.  I can't imagine not making you lunch and not having our afternoon snuggle together.  I can't imagine not seeing you and Maddox create cities made of blocks that he eventually knocks down.  And the thought of not hearing "Mom, I love you" all throughout the day breaks my heart. 

I vowed when I became a stay at home mom that I was really going to stay at home and be present. I wanted to teach you, guide you and do things with you. I really think we accomplished that!  This school thing will be so easy for you because you have so much going for you.  You are kind and generous and everywhere we go, people are drawn to you.  You are funny and energetic and so loving.  I'm not worried about you starting this adventure one bit.  In fact, I'm so proud of who you have become that I can't see straight.
 
There is nothing that I can write or no words that I can say to ever help you understand how much I love you.  All I know is that every night, when I put my head on my pillow, I thank God for trusting me to raise such a precious child.  I can only hope that someday you will be blessed with a child that brings as much joy and light into your life as you have brought into mine. 

I love this quote and it pretty much sums it all up.  "Making the decision to have a child is momentous.  It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."  So walk, Amelia, walk.  Just be careful out there, because you will always have my heart. 

Mom